8 months, 19 days

Goddamnit.

This blog was supposed to be funny.

When I was very young, I lived in a foster home.  The details are far too complex to get into right now, and I’m not sure I ever will delve into that time period.  Not on this blog, anyway.  The gist is this: I lived with strangers, and I called them mom and dad.

My foster dad died in July of 1992.  I had just turned six.  It was a work accident that took his life.  The shock of it was brutal.  He went to work, all was normal.  Half way through the day, someone comes to our home to deliver the news.  My foster mom punched the window out of the side door and walked out of the house, crying.  He was there, and then he wasn’t.

My foster dad was a great man.  A little harsh with discipline, but he doted on me.  He’d sit me on his lap every Sunday, and we’d read the comics.  We watched MacGyver together, which initially developed my love for Richard Dean Anderson.  He had horse-shoe shaped balding hair.  Once when I inquired once about the footprints on the ceiling of the garage; he said it was because he was magic, and he liked to dance on the ceiling when no one was watching.  That’s the gist of what I remember about him.  Still, I remember loving him greatly.

I also remember crying.  For some months after, when I was alone, I would burst into tears.  I didn’t even know why.  I just cried.  My foster mom happened across me during one of my fits and asked me if it was because of my dad.  It hadn’t even occurred to me, but it was.  She hugged me, and cried with me for a little while.  That’s the only time I remember anyone addressing my pain over losing him.

Fast forward a few years, and I was living back with my mom.  I love my mom dearly, and when I was a kid I would cling to her until she had to shake me off and tell me to go play.  Every one of her friends would call me “Little Marla”, because I look so much like her.  It used to make me blush with pride whenever I heard it.

Some nights when I couldn’t sleep, I’d start to think that some day, just like my foster dad, she would die.  As a little girl, it was the most horrible thing I could imagine ever happening.  She was all I had.  Who would take care of me when she was gone?  How could I go on without her?  What would I do?  Every time I would call her into my room.  She would sit down on the edge of my bed and tell me that everything was just fine.  She wasn’t going anywhere, not for a long, long, long time.

It’s been 8 months, 19 days since she passed away.  It’s every bit as terrifying as it was back when I was ten.  Every day gets harder.  I miss her like hell and I still find myself thinking, foolishly, that there was some mistake.  She can’t be gone, and I can’t be without parents at 25 years old.

Sometimes I wonder how I’m still functioning.

How to Steal Undetected in Skyrim

So, yeah. This just happened..

The Internet, SOPA, and Me.

Sorry, but I’m not going to be funny today.

As much as it embarrasses me, I’m going to be honest.

I was what you’d call a “shy” kid.  Due to some heavy abuse and abandonment, I suffered anxiety and self-image issues from an early age.  I dealt with depression and deep-seated fears at an age when most kids still believe in cooties.  I had a hard time talking to other kids, and an even harder time making friends.

We got our first computer when I was around 12 years old.  It was the late nineties and computers were still those-things-nerds-play-with.  I loved it, and took to it right away.  It was everything a nervous, shy kid could ask for.  I could talk to people without worrying if they were judging me.  I could learn without feeling like an idiot when I didn’t understand right away.

The internet taught me things; how to write, how to draw, how to code.  I think I started my first website at the age of 13.  It was probably nothing more than an Angelfire page with Hansen lyrics, but I coded it myself.  I was proud of that.  I hadn’t had much to be proud of before that.

I’d always thought of myself as stupid because my grades were terrible.  But when there was an issue with the computer, or the internet was doing something funny.. I knew how to fix it.  I could do things my mom or my siblings couldn’t do.  As ridiculous as it sounds, that computer and the internet opened up my mundane little world.  There was finally something I was good at.

The internet opened up my creativity as well.  I found Elfwood and deviantART.  I started drawing and painting and I taught myself graphic design.  I explored photography for the first time.  I tried my hand at creative writing.

I grew up with the internet.  I went through Napster, and the ensuing fiasco.  I went from Yahoo, to Hotmail, to Gmail.  I found Facebook.  I moved from AOL to DSL.  I discovered Paint Shop Pro, then Photoshop and then I bought a tablet.  Then a bigger, better tablet.  I made friends in other states.  I made friends in other countries.

I met my husband on the internet.  I told him all the things that had happened to me and how depressed I was.  We connected on a deeper level than any relationship I’d had before.  I was able to tell him things I’d never told anyone.  I was fearless, because I was anonymous.

Maybe the internet is just how you get some quick laughs, or pay your bills, but it’s much more to me.  It was my parent when my mother battled her own vices.  It was my teacher when I was too busy being bullied to learn at school.  It was my matchmaker when I was certain no one could ever understand me.  It was a crutch until my anxieties started to heal.  It my counselor when I thought I was alone.

SOPA and PIPA threaten that.

What is SOPA/PIPA?  Wikipedia explained it best, but I’ll give you the short of it:  They were meant to be bills to fight piracy and copyright infringement.  The bills, however, have gaping holes in the wording that allow congress to censor the web in the US.  This could threaten internet security, take down innocent sites (without due process) and pirates could still access copyrighted content by using the IP address.

Websites with user posted content like Deviantart, Twitter, Facebook, Wikipedia, the list goes on and on and on.. Those websites could fall victim to SOPA if a user posts copyrighted content.  A user.  Some troll could upload a bunch of copyrighted material and one of those sites could go down.  Without warning.  Without trial.  Indefinitely.

Boom.  Bye-bye to creative outlets and social networks.  Everything I love about the internet is threatened.

There are many, many places to go to learn and take action.  But I’m tired of talking, let’s look at some screen shots.

In case you were living under a rock (one without WiFi) you may have missed all the sites going down.  Some of my favorite comics were still accessible, but put bright shining SOPA banners in your face:

Girls With Slingshots

Questionable Content

xkcd

The Oatmeal (a victim of image theft) had a .GIF with Oprah and Jesus on a jet ski (in space!) protesting SOPA/PIPA.

Some big name sites surprised, and awed me with their participation:

Google blacked out its doodle and started its own petition.

Wikipedia provided a wealth of information, as always.

Reddit went black.

Craig and his list even joined in.

The creators of our beloved Firefox raised awareness.

Indie game Minecraft completely shut down their site.

The source of lolcats had a pop-up opposing PIPA.

Even the environmental organization GreenPeace blacked out against SOPA.

Twitter was awash with anti SOPA/PIPA hash tags and posts.  I watched #SOPA #StopSOPA #PIPA and #SOPAStrike all day.  I would tab out of twitter to do some work, and when I’d tab back in there would be 100 more posts.

Representatives took the opportunity to declare their opposition:

Representatives from Nebraska and New York, respectively. The NY rep even updated her website for the blackout.

Tweets ranged from informative, to funny. (That top tweet is from icanhascheezburger founder Ben Huh)

Yep, that third one is Beavis and Butthead commenting on SOPA.

Now.. I’m going to let my nerd show again.  I was moved by today’s display.  Moved.  People were coming together to fight for a cause.  People were making their voices heard.  People were participating in democracy.

And it’s working.

This isn’t to say that the work is done.  Senate plans to look at PIPA next week.  Stay informed.  Contact your state representatives.  Participate in democracy.

_{The sites mentioned in this post:  Girls With Slingshots, Questionable Content, xkcd, The Oatmeal, Google, Wikipedia, Reddit, Craigslist, Mozilla, Minecraft, I Can Has Cheezburger, GreenPeace.}

End Piracy, Not Liberty.

 

 

End Piracy, Not Liberty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monster a Day 01-17-2012

This winter hasn’t been very.. wintery.  Until a few days ago.

Snow, wind and below freezing temps called for a wintery monster.

Behold: The Yeti.

 

Monster a day?

Someone told me to.

And I’m a sheep.

So here’s monster #1: